Listening, and the message is be still. Stillness is the move, and I need many reminders to relax into its return. The newsletter world is changing, and I feel proud to be part of a lineage of newslettering that seeks to do more than commodify me as a resource. I wrote ‘Summer Fawns’ at the beginning of Ramadan. It is by far the best song I have ever written, in my humble baby opinion, and it currently place holds the last song on my next record, Absolute Ardor. I feel so protective over this next record because I produced it, which is something I never thought I would see myself do. And the title, Absolute Ardor, is in direct conversation with my lack of adrenal/energy as it relates to my disability.
In between applying for grants, building a farm budget, and diddling in Ableton when I have the chance, so much of my work and my ability to take care of myself materially and financially as a result of it comes from faith in my survival, craft, creativity, and its potency in connection beyond the very walls of my so-called Brooklyn apartment.
Stillness is the move because the time for movement will come, and preparation for movement is in the stillness. I feel the rumbling of the future in my belly and neck. It feels like water bellowing through waterfall rocks yet slightly less abrasive. My life started to get better when I started acknowledging the behaviors signaling my mentally illness, prompting me to live a lifestyle that performs the function of the exact disability care I need. I seek to take it further, not for the sake of having it all, but for the sake of demystifying access, and pioneering design centering my disabilities.
To show the Universe we are in mutual trust, I am being patient about receiving checks. As a freelance artist, it can be stressful not knowing when a check will drop however, there is deep faith practice in knowing it will come.
Care for yourself like it is all you have, Kamra